The Perils of a Telepathic Girlfriend
by Lyranfan
Summary: Not for kiddies or feminists Something Scott never considered when he accepted the leader's role on the XMen
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I don't own the X-Men , X-Men:Evolution or any of its iterations  
  
A little inspiration from lame-o, my humor muse - a quick one shot. Some dribble in honor of Valentine's day - not for the kiddies or staunch feminists unfortunately. You've been warned.  
  
:denotes Scott's thoughts in his head:  
  
%denotes Scott's little buddy speaking%  
  
The Perils of a Telepathic Girlfriend  
  
Scott walked out of his room in uniform on his way to the Danger Room, and his little 'buddy' rested on his shoulder. He passed Jubilee and Amara in hallway.  
  
"Hey, fearless leader," Jubilee called, her beautiful brown eyes twinkling at him in jest. He really loved to lose himself in her radiant eyes. His buddy spoke up, %Hey, sweetie - I'll give you something to smile about! Now show me some of them fireworks!%  
  
Amara elbowed Jubilee for teasing Scott as they kept walking towards the girl's side of the dormitory. She called out to Scott, "Knock 'em dead, Scott!" He knew Amara had a crush on him - a 'I like the leader' phase she would quickly grow out of when Sam made his move. His buddy spoke up, %I got somewhere I'd like to lead you, princess!.%  
  
He continued up the hall towards the elevator. He pressed the call button and turned around looking towards the front foyer. Rahne smiled shyly at him as she passed climbing the stairs. "Give Mr. Logan a bite in the bum for me." :So much for shy,: Scott smirked. His buddy spoke up, %Hey cutie, how about I put on a dog collar and you keep me on a short leash!%  
  
:Where is that dang elevator?: Scott thought. "Hey, big boy - off to save the world again?" Tabby's outstretched finger traced a line down the side of his chin, while her other hand wandered around his chest. She loved to invade his personal space just to watch him blush. His buddy spoke up, %I'll put the boom in your Boom Boom, baby!% Luckily she bored easily when he didn't encourage her anymore; she wandered off in search of more cooperative prey..  
  
He heard music to his ears - the ding announcing the arrival of the elevator. He stepped in and tried to collect his thoughts before getting downstairs. As the doors were closing, Kitty and Rogue jumped in.  
  
Kitty was rattling off the details of her latest date with fruit bowl head. "And he says he can't afford that kind of night out, so we settled on pizza again." Kitty had her arms above her head as she prepped her hair for the training session. His buddy spoke up, %I'll give you some to reach up for, Little Kitty Kat!%  
  
Rogue snorted, "Last of the big spenders, that Lance." She was wearing that perfume again - the one that made the hair on his neck stand on end and his skin tingle when he caught the scent. His buddy spoke up, %I'd spend a boatload of money on a latex paint job for you, my darling! And if that don't work, we can always try Alex's spare diving suit!%  
  
They finally arrived at the Danger Room level and he let them step out saying, "Ladies first."  
  
Storm was waiting at the stairway to the control tower and motioned for Scott to join her. "Scott, this exercise will be a variation of 'capture the flag.' Your time limit will be set for eight minutes and the whole team must make it to the exit point. And there will be element of weather to deal with." His buddy spoke up, %I'd love to wash your hair in the rain or a convenient shower, my beautiful goddess.%  
  
Storm's eyebows knit in curiosity, "Are you okay, Scott? You seem distracted." Scott turned to her and said, "Capture the flag. Whole team. Eight minutes. Bad weather. Got it." His buddy spoke up again, %We can have a lot of fun in eight minutes.%  
  
Scott joined the others at the entrance to Danger Room and was halted by the sight of Jean. She was warming up by stretching - doing a split on the floor. Kitty and Rogue were doing their best to ignore her, Evan and Kurt were just as mesmerized as Scott. :What I'd give to be her exercise mat,: he thought. His buddy spoke up, %Hey, look who's joined the party at long last! Atta boy, Scooter!%  
  
Jean stood up, the glare obvious on her face, and she sneered, "Just what would you give, Scott? Why don't you tell us?"  
  
The five teens stood in shock as the redhead walked off in a huff muttering, "Ugh, men and their hormones."  
  
Evan punched Scott on the arm laughing, "Dude, you are so busted." While tapping his head , Kurt put his arm around Scott and said, "Shields - gotta remember the shields when entering the neutral zone."  
  
Scott grunted, "Anyone know the phone number of a good exorcist?" His buddy spoke up, %Yeah, man. That she-devil has gotta go!% As the rest of the team entered the hologram terrain for today, Scott looked down and issued the order, "You, my friend, will stay here if you know what's good for you." The teen leader was free of his little devil only in the Danger Room. This fact was a big reason Scott practically lived in the exercise area.  
  
The miniature Scott with red horns waved him off, swinging his barbed tail in a circle. %Yeah, yeah - blah, blah, blah. If we hurry, we can catch Wanda at the coffee shop! I love angry chicks! They're so full of passion!% Scott pressed the control to close the doors.  
  
He took a deep breath and shouted, "X-Men, gamma blue seven pattern!" The chase for the flag and his sanity was on.  
  
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&  
  
Unfortunately, ladies, this is what goes on in the head of any male over the age of puberty. You have to really watch out for the quiet ones - they can be the worst head cases. I ought to know, I was one of those 'nice and quiet' guys. 


	2. The Other Side of the Coin

Disclaimer: I don't own the X-Men , X-Men:Evolution or any of its iterations  
  
Author's notes: Please note the R rating – it gets a little racy at the end.  
  
I had originally intended this to be a one-shot. But based on the feedback from some lady readers, it seems the female half of the world has their share of demons too.  
  
Thanks to the kind reviewers:  
  
A tip of the hat to Tique and Dark Jaded Rose for letting us boys in on the secret  
  
And a pat on the back to Sevish – welcome to the 'quiet one' club. Wolf whistle contest is next Friday.  
  
Lame-o, my humor muse, wants to thank enfant-terrible, Lellida and Star-of- Chaos for saying he was funny.  
  
And last but not least – a big shout out to Anonymous me – the first one to review  
  
The Perils of a Telepathic Girlfriend – Chapter 2  
  
Jean settled into her desk and turned on her laptop after finishing in the shower. Out of the blue, the professor had telepathically asked her for a report on her impressions of the boys' progress at the Institute. She wondered why he had asked her instead of Miss Monroe, but knew he had some good reason for it.  
  
She had seen the three older boys in the training session this afternoon – and had a confrontation with Scott in front of the others. She wondered if the professor had picked up on that as she dried her hair with a towel before beginning to type.  
  
This damn temper of hers – it always go the better of her around Scott. She would bite his head off for the stupidest things sometimes. All the boys were projecting their fantasies including the girls all day long and it had worn her shields down. Scott had been the convenient target this afternoon to vent on. How would he ever know that she . . . well, that she. . . No time for that now – need to get this to the Professor.  
  
She decided to start with the youngest and work her way up through the ranks.  
  
Jamie - the 'squirt' – a nickname she wished he'd outgrow quickly. With any luck he'd sprout past Bobby who gave him the nickname and then we'd see who the squirt was. Jamie had made progress during his time here. She initially was concerned about him being so young compared to the rest of the new recruits – a few years difference meant a lot during the turbulent teen years. Jamie had been the target of a lot of pranks from the older boys but she recently learned Sam had secretly showed Jamie how to exact revenge – and she was surprised all the boys congratulated Jamie on some of the more elaborate pranks he pulled. "Busting chops" was what she had heard Kurt and Evan named this ridiculous male behavior. She smiled to herself when she recalled Jamie became more conscious of his appearance when they went to the mall over the past weekend. He had started to ask Scott, then the older girls for advice on haircut styles and cologne. There must be some girl at the middle school who caught his eye. Jamie still had a long way to go in controlling his duplicates popping up when bumped even slightly.  
  
Roberto – the rising star. His academic record so far was close to perfect – he was beginning to give Jean a run for her money grade average wise. His control over his mutant ability was also progressing very well. But there was a sadness to Roberto's expression that seemed to haunt him. Jean had held to the professor's request that she not pry into the private thoughts of the other students, and even Kitty's gossip connections drew a blank as to what was bothering the Brazilian native. Scott had mentioned it seemed to be something deeper then homesickness. She wondered what it would take to see Roberto smile for a day – just once. His confrontations with Ray were also a concern.  
  
Bobby – the resident prankster. He was a work in progress and Hank seemed to have taken Bobby under his wing. Bobby's grades had improved with the Beast's help but his sometime disregard for safety put him at odds with Scott to no end. Bobby seemed to be stuck in a cycle of trying to impress Scott with his own leadership abilities by having the others follow him - too often into trouble, digging himself further into the hole in the ground. His control over his mutant abilities had progressed the best of the new male students with Ray a close second. As Bobby put it, he was taking longer to 'ice out' as he learned to fine tune the thickness of his slides. Scott began to hint it might be better for Bobby to be part of the senior team as a follower rather then the leader of the newbies – so Bobby could break out of the trouble cycle. But she could see what Jubilee saw in Bobby – deep down he did care about others – he just had a funny way of showing it.  
  
Sam – the self appointed older brother. Sam was a little overwhelmed at first by the 'lack of responsibility' at the Institute after leaving the full household of younger siblings to care for. While the other students complained about all the chores, Sam's years of farm life engrained in him the 'early and done' work ethic – leaving him idle time to goad Bobby on to nonsense. Sam's body had grown more then his mind could keep up with so he tended to be clumsy – a potentially dangerous situation given his mutant ability. Sam worked hard in training sessions to gain better control. Scott had put in extra time to design Danger room sessions tailored to Sam's abilities. Sam's grades suffered at first after transferring to Bayville but recently Amara volunteered to help Sam get up to speed in subjects she knew well. Jean paused for a second – maybe volunteered wasn't strong enough. Amara threatened any girl who set a foot near Sam with a lava flow in their shoe closet. Jean thought it might be best to leave that part out. But she understood Amara's interest – he was handsome and that accent was the icing on the cake. She wondered again how much attention the professor paid to the teen soap opera dramas of 'who liked who' and 'who liked liked who' at the Institute.  
  
Ray – the hothead, or so he liked people to think at first appearance. Ray was quite the puzzle. He had a short temper like Jean but showed better leadership abilities then Bobby. Scott had been the one to point out to her in the morning that Ray would make sure the others were up in a civil manner – not with icicles under their blankets. He and Roberto seemed to be struggling to be the next leader of the New Mutants since Bobby was gunning to join the senior team. A lot of girls outside the Institute were beginning to notice him around school. He totally had that whole 'bad boy' thing going for him.  
  
And onto the senior team:  
  
Evan – the skating rebel. Evan saw things from his perspective and did not always take into account the others around him. Jean suspected Evan's constant struggles to keep his power under control were related to the perception he was self-centered. But he always insisted he had it under control. She sighed to herself – now who does that sound like? She had to admire the way he stood to his convictions – that they should not take the taunting from the humans. Everyone understood how the professor felt, but Evan was brave enough to voice what everyone else kept to themselves. He and Scott had debated the topic for a few weeks and Evan's determination surprised many of the other students.  
  
Kurt – the resident clown. Kurt did wonders to ease Scott's harsh outlook on life. Their friendship had blossomed into a strong bond that would last for along time. Kurt had proven himself well in training sessions, though he like Kitty was self conscious sometimes over having a 'defensive' power – not one he thought that lent itself to contributing to the team outside of protecting others. She knew Scott had picked up on it and was trying to create Danger room sessions to show Kurt how else he could contribute. What was worrisome was Kurt's dependence on his holo imager. The other students had accepted his appearance but he had grown accustomed to being seen amongst friends outside the Institute. If only people would give him a chance before judging him by his features. He was such a sweet person who would make a great husband someday for the right woman and she was sure he'd be a great parent. Lastly, his playful nature would go a long way to making a girl happy.  
  
Scott – the team leader.  
  
Jean paused trying to compose her thoughts. Procrastinating, she reviewed what she had typed so far and then it struck her – in every comment about one of the other boys, she included Scott's contribution.  
  
Still stalling, her eyes wandered to the latest issue of Cosmo she picked up at the grocery store last night. Ororo had asked for her help in the weekly snack food restock and teased Jean when she picked the magazine out of the rack. "It was my fashion notebook in my teens, my relationship notebook in my twenties and just the same old stories that had nothing to do with the racy headlines in my thirties."  
  
What had caught Jean's eye was the blurb about the "night he'll never forget." The article described a fun kit including scented candles, baby oil, some old neckties, a blindfold, a large feather and other items.  
  
She closed her eyes and began to daydream.  
  
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&  
  
Scott walked towards Jean's room on an errand for the Professor – something about helping her with an evaluation or something. It was probably just an excuse for Scott to see to Jean to apologize for what he did earlier.  
  
He had just come from reporting the exercise results to the Professor and Logan. Scott could tell by the grins on their faces that word had gotten back to them about 'the scene in the Danger room.'  
  
He paused at her door and summoned his courage before he knocked.  
  
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&  
  
The room was dark – lit only by the scented candle. He was tied down and blindfolded, completely at her mercy.  
  
"Jean, I . . . "he started to say. She held her finger over his lips and whispered in his ear, "Shhh, exercise mats aren't supposed to talk. . . "  
  
She eyed his muscular chest and tried to decide where to start – the oil or the feather?  
  
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&  
  
There was no answer but the professor insisted she was in her room so he opened the door. Her back was to him but he could see her eyes were closed as she faced towards her bed. Scott saw the faraway look on her face and felt guilty about disturbing her. He knocked on the door again as he stood waiting for her to come out of her trance.  
  
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&  
  
She decided the toys could wait as she kissed his lips. She controlled the pacing, the pressure, Scott was putty in her hands.  
  
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&  
  
"Jean? Hello, anybody home?" He tried again. She must be meditating – the exercise today had been pretty strenuous – and a lot of that was his fault. Always having to push everyone to their limit.  
  
Her eyebrows knit – how could he be calling to her with her tongue so far down his throat? Unless. . . Her eyes shot open and with her peripheral vision, she saw a bewildered Scott standing at her door – fully clothed and untethered.  
  
She could feel the blood rush to her face as she tried to raise her shields. "Uh, oh, hi Scott, what's up?"  
  
"Listen, Jean, about today before in the Danger room. . . I'm really sorry about that and it won't happen again." He mentally crossed his fingers hoping that was enough to do the trick. He wasn't absolutely sure he could keep that "won't" promise if confronted with that same spectacular view again.  
  
"Uh, so what do I owe the pleas... um, why did you come to me – I mean stop by?" Ugh, why was this so hard! She was stammering and she was overthinking every word out of her mouth.  
  
"Oh, the professor asked that I help you with a report, but it looks like you're in the middle of something personal. I could come back later." He started to close the door.  
  
"Is that a promise?" It slipped out before Jean realized what she was saying.  
  
He stopped and looked back at her. A small smirk appeared and he replied, "If you want it to be." With that he closed the door.  
  
She closed her eyes and returned to her daydream. :What I would give to have him as my exercise mat.:  
  
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&  
  
Scott was surprised the thought that got him in hot water this afternoon reappeared in his head as he started to walk up the hallway towards his room. But something was different – something in the wording.  
  
:My exercise mat: His eyes bugged out beneath his glasses as he looked back towards her door. Maybe, just maybe he did stand a chance after all.  
  
############################################################################ ####################  
  
Author's notes at the ending:  
  
I recently read comments from the writers about the lack of New Mutant screen time – specifically Roberto. It turns out they had a whole back story about Ray and Roberto not getting along – so that is where that dribble comes from. You see a hint of that in the episode African Storm. Hank gets the newbies to play 'no powers' volleyball and Ray accuses Roberto of hitting the ball too hard for normal human strength. I was watching my all time favorite episode On Angel's Wings (fodder for Scogue fans like me) on DVD and noticed something I missed before. In the background as Rogue moves towards Scott to give him his present, you see Ray and Roberto talking. Roberto raises his hand in what looks like a not so friendly fashion.  
  
An important note – I would like to give tribute to another author who had the idea about all the boys fantasies wearing down on Jean – but I can't find the story. It took place after the mansion was bombed by Mystique and the students were all in closer quarters. It starts with Bobby dreaming about putting suntan lotion on Jean, Rogue and Kitty, (might not have the girls right.) I thought it was on my favorites stories and authors lists but can't find it, and I searched my reviews list too. I'm afraid the author has left ff.net but if you know who that author is – I'd appreciate a quick email so I can give proper credit to that person.  
  
And finally, Ororo's comments about Cosmo – I borrowed that from one of my wife's friends as we stopped in a grocery store and she caught me eyeing the cover. 


End file.
